What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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