Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
