Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
