he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
