why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
i think my cat just said my name.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I just gargled with NyQuil
Randomize
