We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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