I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
