Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
