you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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