fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
