Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
