I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
