New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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