Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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