Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
