Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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