Your mouth is God's brothel.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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