im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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