My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
