dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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