i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
