its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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