Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
