What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
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