best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
