Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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