she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
