Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
