..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Define "chronic" masturbator.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
