The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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