By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
