hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
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its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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