Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
