Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Can i not drive my cunt home
We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
