Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
