did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
