I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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