should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
