I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my shit smells like andre
Sober January is a disaster.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
