They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
