D3 body, D1 cock
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
