So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
