he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
