The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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