You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Houston, we have a blender
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
