dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
