there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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