The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
