i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
