This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize