Im at strip club and am horny
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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