Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
