Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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