The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
