today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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