small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
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the gays at disneyland are vicious
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
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Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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