I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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