i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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