Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Randomize
