just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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