my phone cant type all the emotion im having
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
