My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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