dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
