Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
