guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
