Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
