I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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