I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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