Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
