So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
