ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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