So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
