i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Randomize
