I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
