Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
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