And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
