He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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