I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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