We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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