Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I need to align my fucking chakras
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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