I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
