FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
