i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He felt like a one man threesome
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize