I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
